What I did with the high school teens

A few of you have wondered how things went for me when I met with the high schoolers during their retreat a couple of weeks ago. Below is pretty much the response I gave to one person who asked me "How was it?"

If you were a teen who participated, I hope you'll add your own thoughts and perspective on what it was like.

Blessings,
Liz

---

First off, I mention a teeny bit about how my preparation went (or didn't) in the start of my previous post.

Parts of it fell pretty flat, but other parts went really really well.

WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO OVER:

1. I'd like to ask a few days before the event how many people were already registered! I had been planning for about 12 teens--and there were 22 of 'em!! The day before the retreat got started, I learned there were 17, so I had a little bit of time to rethink things.

2. I would have liked to have been better prepared to make explicit that if the same person (or persons) frequently wanted to comment, I'll stop inviting that person to speak--and encourage the person (or persons, in this case) to practice some discernment about whether or not that thing needed to be said. But with only a 2-hour timeslot, I didn't recognize the pattern of two of the teens until we were halfway through the morning.

3. I'd take more time--MUCH more time--to talk about how Quakers aren't perfect. I'd like to figure out a way to ask more effectively what gets talked about too much and what doesn't get talked about enough. Maybe I would search for a way to get a few of the teens who were registered to answer this question ahead of time...

4. When I started talking a bit about my own experience about God, some of the teens seemed to tune in and perk up. Wish I had stayed in touch with that energy and pursued it a bit more: how often do they hear about God/Jesus/faith from Quaker adults...?

WHAT WORKED WELL:

1. Following the nudges and hunches I had. For example, the teens were still eating breakfast 15 min before we were supposed to start--and they were still in sleeping bags, etc. about 15 min before that! So I ditched my high-energy ice breaker and instead had them do a step-forward exercise. All the questions were about family, since I was going to talk about Quakers and the RSoF as extended family.

• Who here has a family? (After stepping forward and looking around, then we'd create the line again.)
• Who has a large extended family?
• Who doesn't feel like they know their extended family that well?
• Who feels like they don't fit in with their own family?
• Who is holding a grudge against someone in their family?
• Who would want to know their family better, if the opportunity came up?

I also ditched the Four Corners idea I had been thinking about because there were so many chairs in the room, and the open spaces were very spread out.

And I didn't spend a lot of time talking about Convergent Friends, just because it didn't seem like where they were at. And it turns out, none of them write or read blogs (or so they told me when I asked).

2. There were a few times when I had a chance to talk about the importance of being authentic, honest, and real--not just as Quaker youth, but as people in general. I didn't know if this was an important point to make or not--but by the end of the time, two teens acknowledged to the group that they were atheist. Folks wanted to talk right over that, but I held the space and had all of us slow down and acknowledge what was just said. An opening, even if a small one.

3. BEST EXERCISE: A modified version of Chalk Talk, the exercise I've heard Peterson do with folks. I had three large pieces of paper (made up of 4 sheets of flipchart paper), each with a different word or phrase in the middle:

Evangelical Friends

Quakers aren't perfect

FGC

Then I gave each of them a marker and let them loose to write their own comments on each paper, and their own comments to each other, too.

Gave them about 15 minutes and they could have used 25. Two teens later told me that they really liked that exercise. (I also found out that none of them had done a Chalk Talk exercise before, so I hope I did it justice.)

4. Second best exercise, to wrap up: I gave everyone a piece of paper and asked them to write one or two WORDS or CONCEPTS that really had been lingering with them during our time together. Make the word (or words) big on the page. Then place the papers in the center, going every which-way, to form like a mosaic. After everyone has had a chance to add their page, then stand around and take a look at what's there, noticing what made you smile, squirm, or appreciate. All done in silence.

We closed with worship. I was hoping someone would be moved to say something, but that didn't happen. The things that were on the Chalk Talk papers and the mosaic sheets, though, were powerful evidence of things being stirred up in the group, and I made sure to tell the FAPs (Friendly Adult Presence) and coordinators to look over the papers, there might be opportunities for more discussion if the teens wanted.

...I was tempted to take photos of the mosaic and of the Chalk Talk papers, but I decided against it. There was a tender energy in the room and I felt it was important to "leave in the room" what had been shared in the room.

WHAT I WOULD DO "NEXT TIME":

1. At some point, after enough trust had been built within the group and between the group and me, I'd like to start a check-in round with "One thing I don't want you to know about me is..." I've used this check-in before and it encourages folks to get real authentic real quick.

2. Flesh out how Quakers are not perfect. Explore the "nice and pure" image of early Quakers (i.e. that all Quakers were abolitionists) as well as modern examples of our imperfections--as individuals and as meetings.

3. Do a spectrum about degree of belief in a Divine Principle and/or Four Corners about those beliefs (God - Jesus - Love - nothing, eg.)

4. Worship sharing instead of/in addition to worship.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

I have to say, just having those 2 hours to feel the group out a bit gave me a peek into what might be possible with a WEEK of them during an FGC Gathering workshop.

Blessings,
Liz

RELATED POST:

This post about raising young children as Friends from Amy of How'd I End Up Here?

Wanted: Ideas for working with high school teens

Hey there--

I'm working with the Northern Yearly Meeting high school program on Saturday for a couple of hours and I'm looking for ideas of activities to do with them (Topic: Quakers, the Internet, and Convergent Friends).

I've been in touch with two of the teen organizers who have assured me that all shall will be well, especially if I focus on the INTENTION, which I typically do anyway. They also mentioned on their own that having some worship is also welcome.

I find I'm having a hard time thinking of just what to do and was wondering if any of you blog readers have any thoughts or resources to share with me.

I've been thinking of questions to use with the "Four Corners" exercise, a spectrum exercise, and/or a fishbowl around some question. I've also been toying with a sort of "Chalk Talk" exercise that I know Peterson has used...

Have any of you ever done concentric circles with high schoolers? How was that...? Any other ideas you can offer....?

I'm really tired and have a bit too much on my plate, or so it seems. So I'm reaching out to gain some additional stimulation. I know many of us are busy too, but hey, two or more busy minds are better than my one!

Blessings, and thanks for the help,
Liz

A changed mind about Godly Play

Over the past few months, beginning sometime in the Fall of 2008, the children who are part of the worship group I attend have been having their own experience with the Spirit, and they have been learning about some of the Biblical and Christian roots of our tradition as they do it.

The five children, ages 3-8 or so, are not being talked at. They are not poring over a Children's Bible. They are not being read to, and they are not being forced to sit in worship. They are not even clamoring to go outside as the weather warms up (if you can call 40-45 degrees "warm").

Each First Day, after spending 10-15 minutes in worship with everyone, they are shepherded to another room by an adult, where they calmly gather and sit on a rug, meeting the gentle gaze of the Friendly storyteller who greets each by name.

They all know what's coming: an important story told in a very simple way that they can understand but which won't require them to answer questions or repeat back anything they've heard.

On the occasions that I'm with the children, I'm there only to be present, to get a feel for what the kids are experiencing. There's no disciplining, no telling a child to stop fussing with her shoelace or to sit up straight. It's a loose environment but not a chaotic one.

These young Quakers clearly want to be there, and after the 15 minute story, illustrated with simple props made out of paper, felt, and wood, the storyteller offers a few questions, which are more like statements or even musings:

I wonder what part of the story you like the best.

I wonder if you've ever experienced anything like what the character in the story did.

I wonder what you wonder about the story.

Maybe one or two kids answer; maybe none do.

At the end of the brief but slow wondering time, the storyteller invites them to pick out some art supplies--I wonder what you will work on today--and start their "work."

They are focused and clearly have gone to some deep and wordless place.

Siblings leave each other alone. No one suggests to anyone what colors to use or what shapes to draw. And everyone's work--their own expression of the story, of the Spirit, of their insides--looks completely different.

There are no copycats, not because they are told not to, but because they have been brought to their own Inward Teacher and are able to stay in touch with that Movement.

Once, when I was the storyteller, they were working so long with the art supplies that I briefly interrupted: I wonder who needs a lot more time to finish up. One of the children's arms shot into the air, a worried look on her face. I just nodded in acknowledgment. A few minutes later, she was done and we gathered together for a snack.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I remember when the First Day School Committee brought the recommendation to the worship group that we invest the time, energy, money, and faith in bringing Godly Play* into the lives of our youngest attenders.

I remember the report included a statement from a parent, worried that the spiritual life of the children needed all of our care, attention, and nurture while they were all still young, lest the time go by and we adults would have provided so little...

I remember the gift we realized we had in our midst, that the childcare provider was also trained in the method and curriculum of Godly Play. We easily approved the recommendation that we draw on her gifts and work with her to give this First Day School program a real chance.

I have seen great and wondrous results of such movement of the Spirit through the use of Godly Play and its Quaker counterpart, Faith & Play. Both can be readily adapted for intergenerational settings, just by adding a few introductory explanations to adults.

At first I was skeptical about having props and objects to tell the stories, given that unprogrammed Quakerism is an apophatic tradition, one based on the stripping away of outward symbols and ritual in order to get to the essential heart of the faith: waiting on God.

But I could not deny that Something Was Happening within each child, and as the weeks have gone by, the parents have been telling a bit of what their children have talked about at home, about their experience of having heard the story on First Day.

And I could not deny that Something Has Happened even to the adults.

During this past week's intergenerational Faith & Play session, we heard a story about our Quaker practice of listening for God and how God touches our hearts in a special way when we worship together. (NOTE: The brief quotes that follow are from that story.)

For those adults who were new to Friends, it was a doorway into learning a bit more about Quakerism and how the Spirit "helps us to know how to love, what to do, and who to be."

For the kids, they had a number of examples of how to listen for God "with our whole selves," how we might experience God, and why waiting worship means so much to us.

For me who has no kids and who has been a part of the lives of these children and their families since the worship group got started, I finally had the opportunity to share in a corporate experience of what the children go through when they have a Godly Play session and come back to the room changed in some mysterious way.

Though using this Montessori-inspired approach to religious education requires training for the storyteller** and some arts-and-crafts sessions to get materials together, the spiritual gifts that my own worship group has received make me a believer.

I have felt myself brought to the Inward Teacher in the same way that a wise word offered by an elder might guide me; and I have witnessed what I believe to be a similar Motion of the Spirit in my fellow worshipers.

Blessings,
Liz

UPDATE, thanks to Su and her comment:
The 2009 FGC Gathering includes a week-long workshop on Godly Play. Look at Workshop #20 (2009 roster) for a description; the workshop leader, Michael Gibson, has been one of the co-authors for the Faith & Play materials.

*Unfortunately, I have found that the Godly Play website for the U.S. is nowhere near as inspiring or creative as the curriculum itself, but if you want to read up on Godly Play from a more intellectual perspective, take a look. The U.K.'s website is more engaging, as is the FGC site on Faith & Play, which specifically focuses on Quaker stories and lessons in the manner of Godly Play.

**FGC, in cooperation with Pendle Hill, is offering a weekend teacher's workshop at Pendle Hill, May 15-17, 2009. To download a flyer for Playing in the Light, scroll down towards the bottom of this webpage and click on the link. [NOTE: I imagine the link will not be active or valid after the dates of the workshop.]

Reminder for Quaker Youth Book Project

Here's a quick shout-out to young Friends between the ages of 15-35 from all over the globe:

There is an international project going on to help get the voices and artwork of young Friends "out there," to share their experiences about being a Quaker, being among adult Quakers, how technology like cell phones, YouTube, and blogs are impacting Quakerism, how events like the World Gathering of Young Friends and Young Friends of North America are affecting you, and so on.

Submissions are due at the very end of February 2009--and we all know how quickly time disappears during the winter holidays! So if you've got a blog post drafted and aren't sure when or where to post it, or if you've got a long journal entry that you think is significant but haven't pulled it out for awhile to revise it, or if you've got just an idea for that drawing you wanted to get to, now's as good a time as any.

In case you're interested and you don't want to search too hard for the info that's located on the above linked page, here are the submission guidelines (emphases are my own):

Friends ages 15–35 are invited to submit up to five pieces of writing and/or visual art. We encourage Friends to carefully select the works they submit. Membership in a Quaker meeting or church is not required. Though the primary age range for this project is 15–35, we will also accept pieces from Friends who all outside of that age range but identify as a teenage or young adult Friend.

All submissions should include the name, address, phone number, e-mail, and Friends affiliation of the writer and/or artist. A short, two sentence biography of the writer/artist is optional.

Prose, essays etc. should be approximately 200 to 2000 words, to a maximum of four typed pages. Handwritten pieces are also welcome. Poems should be a maximum of 100 lines.

Visual art such as paintings, collage, photographs, etc. should be submitted in their original form or as a digital scan or photograph with a minimum quality of 300 dpi (dots per inch). Digitized images are preferred but not required. All original works of visual art will be returned to the artist after the selection process has been completed. Visual art will be reproduced in black and white in the book.

Friends are invited to submit written pieces in whatever language they feel most comfortable. The editorial board will be working with submissions primarily in English and Spanish, but we are confident we will be able to provide translation services for most languages spoken by Friends.

Submissions are due (in case you missed it at the beginning of this post) on February 28, 2009 and they can be sent electronically to the Quaker Youth Book Project or snail-mailed to:

Quaker Youth Book Project of QUIP*
1216 Arch Street, 2B
Philadelphia, PA 19107.

If you don't think you'll be submitting anything, the least you could do is encourage one or two other young Quakers to take a look at this call for submissions and consider sending something in. Tell 'em the Quaker blogosphere sent you!

Blessings,
Liz

*QUIP stands for Quakers Uniting In Publishing

IYMC visits and a high school drop-in

It's been a busy start to the month, not including the historic presidential election.

Over the first weekend of the month, the worship group had three Friends from Iowa Yearly Meeting Conservative (IYMC) visit with us as we begin seeking affiliation with a yearly meeting.

Here are a few things that were notable to me:

1. The visit was arranged in just under three weeks, from the time we were given a date when all the visitors could make it to the time they actually arrived. During the one evening and one morning that the Iowa Friends were with us, all the children and all of the regular adult attenders participated in at least one significant portion of this very short visit--and we have six kids and nearly a dozen adults!

I consider this an indication that the Way is open for us to continue seeking affiliation with IYMC.

2. We were reminded to consider that any of us who have attended the annual sessions of IYMC have been witness to the clerking of only one presiding clerk, who has been serving for ten years or so. Since each presiding clerk has a unique style and perspective on how to go about attending to the business of the yearly meeting, the visitors encouraged us to consider that the current clerk is bringing a great deal of discipline (in the good sense of the word, in my opinion) to the body, and that this hasn't always been, and won't always be, the case.

This was a sobering thought to me, given how much I've appreciated the current manner and discipline of the body during their meetings for worship with attention to business at annual session.

3. The visitors, who are serving as a sort of membership clearness committee for us on behalf of IYMC--though it's for affiliation of the worship group, not membership of individuals--also cautioned us that IYMC at the level of its monthly meetings may not be all that different from Northern Yearly Meeting at the level of its monthly meetings, especially when considering the breadth of theological diversity of Friends there.

I find I'm less concerned about that point, given the frequent reference to Scripture and the greater proportion (it seems to me, at least at the yearly meeting level) of Friends who speak humbly of their walk with their God.

That was all just the first weekend of the month! Next week the worship group will reflect together on our experience with these Friends from Iowa, and we'll see how the Spirit moves among us at that point.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Towards the end of the summer, while I was worshiping at the monthly meeting, a member of the meeting's First Day School Committee announced at the rise of meeting that the committee would be doing something new with the high schoolers this year: they would be seeking adults to be a Friendly Adult Presence (FAP) for that group for a month at a time.

The concern is that there continues to be a disconnect between the adults of the meeting and the oldest teens among us. For years, the teens haven't come to Meeting for Worship--not even with the younger kids for the first 15 minutes--and the adults don't make time to interact authentically with the teens, with the possible exception of the parents of their friends or their past FDS teachers.

For as long as I've been an adult among Quakers, I've been aware of my struggle of wanting to connect with teenage Friends but not wanting to "impose" myself on them, not wanting to just pop in and out of a conversation and pretend I've had a meaningful interaction with them.

I've been seeking a way to be engaged with them through some structured activity, and through my own authentic desire rather than through some "required" event. So when the announcement was made that there was a request for FAPs for the high school program, I volunteered on the spot.

Yesterday was my first drop-in there, since the first First Day was hang-out time for them at a coffee shop, the Friends from Iowa were visiting the worship group, and I'm no good around strangers when there isn't a structure. Seriously.

Yesterday was worship-sharing time around a query, and the adult leaders offered up the topic of equality, what that means, and how it may or may not relate to the presidential election. The teens outnumbered the adults by three to one, and I chose to pass the first couple of times, not sure of the lay of the land or what the teens might make of me.

As they opened up, so did I, and within a few minutes, we were talking about oppression, privilege, gay marriage, Obama, and everything else that would typically come up in a high-energy discussion about the state of things in our country.

I left that morning emotionally and spiritually spent, having opened myself to share about my relationship with my partner, an open letter I've sent to Barack Obama, and my concern for white privilege, especially among young white Quakers. I learned how seriously this group takes themselves when they're encouraged to share their views of the world.

The worship-sharing was so rich and intense and worshipful, it reminded me of the open Meetings for Worship that the high schoolers host at the FGC Gathering each year. My only hope is that I didn't outrun my Guide, and I'll be curious to see how the next few First Days in November go...

Blessings,
Liz