Precious Lord, take my handI spoke these words during Meeting for Worship this past First Day. Then, after a pause and a few deep breaths, I went on:
Lead me on, let me stand
I'm tired, I’m weak, I’m lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home
I feel like I have been naughty today. A naughty girl who knows she was being naughty but kept being naughty anyway.
I have spoken kind words with an unkind intention. I haven't been as kind or as loving as I could have been to others. I haven't extended myself in service to others the way I know I can. When I had an opening to address a concern I have had, I did so with a sense of righteous indignation.
I know that others didn't see how I have fallen short of my Light, but I know that I have fallen short. And I know that God knows. So I have sat myself in a corner and there I am staying.
I can see God's hand stretched out to me, but I don't want to reach back. Not yet anyway.
Except that I do... want to reach back.
So I need help, Lord. I need your help to lead me Home.
ah yes, the invitation...
ReplyDeletethe sense that arrives here most frequently, is that the Invitation is never about "doing" more, but rather about judging less... and clearly, this must start with my own judgments of "me"...
its when I sit in the absence of measurement, that I can see "me" clearly, for exactly what "me" is... there is no movement to push this away, to change it, to fix it, to modify the "me"... just the clear seeing of what "I" am- without judgment, no tally of "good" or "bad" will make its insistences... only then, am I able to see "me" with unprecedented clarity
THEN it is seen, that the one who holds the "me" in that light, is the same one who offers the invitation...
the END of my measurements, is the Meeting with God's invitation... the Meeting with the Light within...
my measurements can be nothing more than my own insistence of what God is holding for me, what God is inviting me to- and in such an insistence, I cease listening- its my own voice raised above the FACT of God right Now!
"the END of my measurements, is the Meeting with God's invitation... the Meeting with the Light within..."
ReplyDeleteYes. You speak to my condition, Tom.
Blessings,
Liz
Here's my take on this. You had posted recently about how you had been distracted by the election and had gotten pulled heavily into the world and away from meeting. You had become decentered. Now you are waking back up. You discover that in your state of worldly consciousness that the world's values had crept in. The world, especially the upper middle class world, teaches people to be "nice" and to have "nice manners" and say "nice things." But of course we know that these "nice" things are often mean, selfish and dishonest, but the world approves of them because they are "nice."
ReplyDeleteIt's really a sign of how much you have grown that you are a bit horrified when you catch yourself falling back into synch with the world and out of synch with God. Because in reality it sounds like what you did wasn't really all that bad--it just conflicts with your new higher standards that you now hold yourself to.
So, don't beat yourself up. Just get back to being the person God is calling you to be.