Over on beppeblog, Joe in his post and Martin in his comment to Joe have given me something to consider: When I wrestle with my disgruntlement while a message rises within me, how do I reconcile the two? I often find that I turn to the question,
What must I do to be faithful here? Will I feel faithful to the Spirit if I say nothing...?Joe wonders, given his disgruntled state, if fellow worshippers would interpret his vocal ministry as judgement or love. My worry is not quite like Joe's, but should it be? Have I been missing a step in my own discernment process, or does my discernment process simply occur in a different sequence or manner?
Between Joe and me there appears, though, to be a similar inward experience, an inward searching of what is in good order. There is the undergirding concern of being well led; the desire to be faithful.
Will I be letting God down, will I be letting the community down, if I ignore the prompt to speak?The few times I have yielded to the prompt to speak despite my disgruntlement, I have found (1) an energy rise within me that rides on the words I speak and also surprises me; and (2) a sense of feeling emptied when I return to my seat. Sometimes, like yesterday, I am overcome by sobs and tears—relieved of some burden I hadn't known I was carrying.
Blessings,
Liz
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1 comment:
Beppe, no need to clarify on my account: I was already identifying with the source of your disgruntlement. ...But by posting your process, you minister to me that I might do well to listen a bit longer and weigh things a bit differently, especially during MfW.
And if I hear Lily Tomlin in my head, I'll know who sent her to me! smile
Here's a Friendly quote from Lily: The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
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