Recently in worship at the monthly meeting, I spent much time turning over in my mind a comment that a Friend had emailed me.
The situation that led to the comment involved a number of things, including an interaction with that same Friend from a few years prior, a subsequent mutual look at our "emotional leftovers" from then, and more recently, a request I made to the Friend in which I sought clarification about possible committee service.
For me, my request was completely detached from the initial interaction and "emotional leftovers" conversation, but for the other Friend, they remained intertwined, and the Friend expressed concerns to me about how I engage in corporate process.
This new twist has made me wonder whose responsibility it is to evaluate and/or affirm any sort of transformation or "conversion of manners" that I myself may have experienced.
In my own heart, I know that such evaluation is between me and my Guide. But as a human being who sometimes loses her spiritual grounding, it often happens that I worry about what some Friends may think of me if I don't "see things their way."
So in my worship yesterday, I found myself settling into a few things:
Do we treasure one another, even during difficulties between us? Do we reflect on a person's gifts and history of being faithful before we confront that person? Are we prepared to affirm a person's measure of Light and give that person space to grow into greater Light?
Stay close to the root . . . Friends help Friends mind the Light . . . Stand still in the Light, submit to it, let it search you . . .
Have I allowed myself to be thoroughly searched by the Light for any wrongdoing I may have done regarding this particular situation? . . . What or who do I have in the Center right now? . . . To what or to whom am I giving over my power, my sense of self-worth? . . .What or who seems to be impacting my self-esteem and capacity for self-love?
Contemplation and Imagining:
I see God standing in front of me, looking into my eyes, saying nothing, and sending me only Love.
I melt. My heart is made tender, and I wonder how I will face Friends who may ask me to engage with them about concerns I thought had been put to rest. How might I answer to and call out that of God within others, whether or not they are capable of answering to and calling out that of God within me?
God, thank you for helping me remember who my Shepherd is, my Guide, and my Inward Teacher.